As crappy as my emotions have been I do have one positive thing to note. I feel like I am actively trying to make a change in my life. I really feel like I am trying to get better at feeling my feelings and not supressing them and I also feel like I am trying to recognize destructive or unhealthy patterns and break those cycles. I jever could have or would have imagined that all of this would be happening insode of me. I always felt like I had everything figured out. I never really did. It all fell to shit somewhere along the line.

Who knew trying to feel feelings would make me so uncomfortable? I literally feel uncomfortable in my own skin. It makes me cringe, having a wall up for 23 years is a hard habit to break. I hope I can figure this out and not drown in my emotions before then.